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tattered emotions
wild dreams.
keep me awake
unable to sleep.
sad and alone.
I hold on in fear.
that the day I am hoping 4
will never get here.
My mind see's the worst.
I gasp for my breath.
my nerves never calming.
unable to rest.
I meditate,
I medicate
yet never find peace.
I long to hold
the love in my dreams.
I'm hoping and praying
trying to hold out.
no matter what I do
I can't shake the doubts.
I lay my heart hurting.
My tears fall like rain.
I feel like Im dying.
and going insain.
weakened I am
yet I am not dead.
my will power holding
on by a thread.
I must survive
I must hold on.
until I rest comfortably
safe in his arms.

~Jesilyn 2002