MOTHER’S DAY 1997

As I sit beside the headstone of my mother and my friend

The thoughts and mixed emotions of my childhood then begins

The nights we sat and watched tv, the day we flew the kite

All the times we sat at the lake The sun it was so bright

The days we looked for clovers The day you planted trees

Now I sit in sorrow upon a bended knee

For you are all gone and my tears have flown

Yet in my mind I’m not yet free

I wish to feel your loving arms wrapped tightly around me

It’s mother’s Day; you’re in heaven & I’m stuck here on earth

Remembering the good times and all that they are worth.

(Written for Karin P. Spencer)

WHY

Why do you step upon my toes

When I treat you with respect

I always think of you before I take care of myself

I think of your welbeing

I’m considerate of your needs

Why when I need you desparately

do you make me have to plead?

HELLO

HELLO

are you listening I think without speech

You are the ribbon that makes me complete

HELLO

my eyes plead as I look at your face

How can you deny what cannot be replaced

My love is here to help you be strong

I need you beside me right where you belong

HELLO

won’t you try I can’t force you to quit

It’s your life won’t you live it you don’t have to be sick

Hello Ill be lonley if you leave me alone

We pledged to stand together and never let go

HELLO

you are my everything

I am your toy I dangle from strings

I love you more than you’ll ever know

Now are you hearing my feelings?

HELLO?

JAMES

Oh James where are you now

For you are not with me

I stop to think about you often

And the way that things should be

How tall are you I ask myself

You would have been just eight

I relive every moment ever since you went away.

(Written for my son that I miscarried in 1988)

THANK YOU

I’d like to take a moment to say something to you

I really do appreciate all the things you do

You really make a difference with all the efforts that you make

You show true love and honor each hour you’re awake

You rarely spend even a moment to yourself

You tspend so many hours taking care of everyone else

You cook and clean and care for kids

You even work outside our home

I respect you very much but you need some time alone.

I realize that you’re tired you’ve done so very much

We are not deserving of your loving touch.

I want to say just one more thing before we go our separate way

I will repay your kindness some where some how some day

(Written to myself. I realized no one was going to give me the thanks I needed so I gave it to myself)

THE STORY OF OUR LIVES

I was very young when I first  looked at you

No one believed my feelings could possibly Be true.

But when you held me in your arms

The pain just flew away & I was never safer

than I was on that spring day You spoke to me so softly

Your heart was open wide I had stronger emotions

Than I’d ever felt inside The world did not except us

They said I was a child

But you promised me You’d always walk the extra mile

As the years passed by so slowly& We met up several times

You were all I ever wanted; you brought sunshine in my life

We were married once but Through situations that

Were not of our own choice It ended 1991 in a sad divorce.

Neither of us wanted it Yet both just stood aside

And let the judge grant the ruling That we had to abide.

Just a few years later our Hearts met up again

Our love struck up quite a chorus; we could not stay just friends

It started with a kiss; It ended up in bed

You were always the best lover That I had ever had

Now we are married again; A happy family

And two months ago you made a mother out of me

A new born baby girl So bright and so new

After all these years our dreams Are finally coming true.

(written for J.A.M)

MOTHER’S DAY 1996

On mothers day 1996 its hard to think this day you’ll miss

I have my children this is true but something is missing without you

I hug them and kiss them & try to explain

Why mommy’s tears fall like rain

I remember the smile that you use to have

I look in the mirror and try to laugh

I see you looking back at me I picture you in heaven

Your wings spread so beautifully

I hope you feel the love from me

Because I miss my mother being with me.

(In Memory of Karin P. Spencer)

MOTHER’S DAY 1996

On mothers day 1996 its hard to think this day you’ll miss

I have my children this is true but something is missing without you

I hug them and kiss them & try to explain

Why mommy’s tears fall like rain

I remember the smile that you use to have

I look in the mirror and try to laugh

I see you looking back at me I picture you in heaven

Your wings spread so beautifully

I hope you feel the love from me

Because I miss my mother being with me.

(In Memory of Karin P. Spencer)

A CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND

Who am I to tell you how to live your life

I am only human, it’s you that will pay the price

You must weigh out all your options

Deciding what comes first

Taking time to reconsider what each item is worth

Whether it be family your job or maybe yourself

Only you can make the choice for I am just a friend.

IO am here to listen. I care about your needs

What I say is my opinion my feelings about things

I will not push the issue I’ve made mistakes myself

All I can say is do your best & take care of yourself!

The everlasting Dream

A child’s scream

No one to hear

Is this dream that’s

happening real

He steps into the room at night

No one to save me

My mind was full of fright

He touches me in places

My mom said was my own

No matter how much I plead to him

He would not let me go

I asked God for girgiveness

For all the sins I had

He told me it was not my fault

For I had done nothing bad.

(Written about the abuse I suffered from age 9-12)

A STORY FROM THE PAST

They say the pain will go away It will just take some time If you open up your heart and soul To a person who is kind For I was just a child And he was a grown man Doing things to hurt me That I couldn’t understand He took his hand in mine real tight And kissed my soft pail skin He pulled his body close to mine & Then he put it in

He said it was his finger I knew that he had lied For he took something from me It cut just like a knife No you can’t replace it I really wish you could I tried real hard to forget it Because he said I should. He suffered not for what he did It was I who paid the price Bad memories are all I have Forom this stage of my life.

(Written about the abuse I suffered from age 9-12)

DEAR GOD

I would die to show you How much you mean to me But you show no compassion For my feelings and my needs Your words are rough like sandpaper That rubs me deep inside My tears stream down my face Destroying all my pride When we make love I wonder How long this thing will last. For you are not forgiving of The wrong that’s in my past My heart is over flowing With emotions that are strong

I want to prove to you that My love will linger on I suffer with the heartache That you inflict each day I want this marriage not to fail To God I start to pray. Dear God help me remember The love that we once had And let us have it back Again for I really love this man I know you will see the truth I will forgive him everytime And give my dreams to you.

I LOVE YOU

I gave you life; I went through pain

Why do they point at me with blame?

I gave you love; I do without

To show it’s you I care about.

I beg I plead for you to do

The kind of things that your suppose to do

I look for help because I want to be

The type of mother that you need

Instead I find they think I’m wrong

I need the courage to be strong

I want our family not to fail

I’d hate to see you end up

in the streets or in jail

I love you and

I want you to see

You are the only thing

That matters to me.

(Written for Starla, Dylan, Kerin & ellie)

STARLA

How do I cope what do I do How do I handle you? I tried to spank it made things worse I tried to ground but you refused I tried to love but you looked away I fear I’ll loose you someday I love you unconditionally I try so hard why can’t you see? I hate to scream, it makes me cry I really cannot understand why. You hold your ears and look away I look to god and start to pray People say I’m doing wrong They say I’m the one who is head strong

I try to explain whats going on They point their fingers; their judgement wrong. Because you mean the world to me I don’t understand why no one can see I do my best to fill your needs I do without of everything I stay up late and worry about The way you act when we are out. I fear the way you tell some things You’re a child and know not what it means My only hope is that we can change I’m turning it over to God’s hands.

(Written for Starla)

WILL YOU COME BACK

You came a walking into my life

You gave me hope and made me your wife

You promised me you’d stay forever

That my life would be blessed with peachful weather

I was full of joy & the rain went away

But you walked out on me today

There is no room for honosty, trust, or respect

You’ve caused me pain I won’t soon forget.

I can’t possibly understand, why it hurts to love a man

You convienced me you cared

but when you left

you confused me right there

I long to be loved and to be held tight

I only hope God will make things right.

Until the day that you return & I hope that you do

I cannot deny I’m in love with you.

(Written for J.A.M.)

US

A soft spoken word

A voice from the heart

The knowledge that

We will never part

The closeness of a touch

A warmth of a feel

If I were alone

My heart would not heal.

The spark of your eyes

When you look at me

The knowledge that you

Would not set me free

You may not be perfect

But neither am I.

I will surely love you

Until I die.

MY MAN

You voweled to me

I voweled to you

In our hearts

We always knew

We shared a love

Beyond compare

When times are tough

You’re always there

To comfort me

When I’m in need

You give me more

than one can see

It means so much to have you near

I write you poetry

So you can understand

How proud I am

That you are my man.

(Written for J.A.M.)

A DREAM OF THE PAST

To stop and realize what I once left behind

My family, my friends, and all my pride.

For what I don’t know I can only explain

The anguish, the fear, the price & the pain

At times it was fun, I cannot lie

But, there were also times I was sure I would die.

I was sleeping in ditches; eating what I may

Living only for today.

Not knowing where I was going

Not caring where I had been.

Life was faster way back then.

I’ve slowed down now, I still live for today.

But now I think before I play.

I remember back then and what I missed

I ran out on my dreams, I grew up faster than I wished.

My regrets are few at least that I can say

I am stronger than I was

Today.

WHERE IS HE?

It’s hard to go to sleep at night when you’re feeling so alone.

When the only thing you want to do is hold your husband close.

But that is so impossible; he’s in the other room.

I know he isn’t thinking about joining me too soon

What happen to the romance after a hard day at work?

Does he understand how much it’s really worth?

My thoughts contain mixed emotions

My heart is torn in two

I want to tell him desparately; he makes my dreams come true

I want to say I love you; let’s combine our hearts

But words are worth not a damn thing

Cause we’re so far apart.

(written for J.A.M.)

MoM

It’s been two years since you went away.

But your memory is here to stay.

Your memories are special gifts

Each day your gone, your face is missed

Your smile stood out like sunshine so bright

Your eyes were like stars in the moon light

Your love was so pure like the heavens so high

Why in hell did you have to die?

You loved people and animals too

I hope someday I can be just like you.

You were my mother forgiving to me

Your death opened my eyes so that I could see

I’ll never knew your secrets were lessons in life

Until I was a mother and a wife

Unconditional love forever to be

I miss you mom and I want you to know

I will forever love you so…

(Written In Memory Of Karin P. Spencer)

Mother’s Day 1994

On Mother’s day 1994

I wish that I could give you more

I wish that I could take you to dinner in a fancy place

Putting a big smile of joy on your face

Send you flowers; big pink carnations

Forfill all your Mother’s day expectations.

I’d show you how much you mean to me

Explain my love is stronger than you’ve ever seen.

But you’re in heaven & I’m here on earth

For all these words are really worth.

MOTHER’S DAY 1993

Mother’s Day will always be  a day to charish

Memories of you and me.

The time we shared were rather short

I hold it dear; close to my heart.

You gave me love in times of need

And laid down laws so I could see

A path to a full filled life

You helped make me A mother and wife.

So thank you mom With all my heart

I love you  No matter where you are.

(Written In Memory Of Karin P. Spencer)

A Poem For Mommy

A Poem For Mommy

There is a pain I cannot explain It fills me with sorrow My tears fall like rain You were taken from me No warning at all This is a time I feel ungodly small I can’t see you or touch you Like I use to do It feels so lonley without you I call out your name No answer I hear I reach for you motherly arms To hold me near I pick up the phone I can’t hear your voice All that I hear

Is a buzzing noise I look in the mirror I see you in me You would think that this Would fill my heart with glee Instead what I feel is a Huilt beyond compare My hands were tied I wasn’t there I ask myself why as I reach for the sky I try to be strong I try not to cry But what in the world Am I to do When my worst dream Has come true. (In memory of Karin P. Spencer)

HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME

I hope that you can really see

Just how much you mean to me

God sent you from up above

Down for me to give you love

To be together through thick and thin

Together forever until the end.

If by chance I leave this earth before you do

You’ll know my heart belonged to you.

(Written for J.A.M.)

THE PAIN OF A LOST LOVE

When I think of one man; I think of pain.

This pain grows stronger everyday

Sometimes I sit alone and cry

Tears gushing out of my eyes

I listen to songs he sang unto me

Wishing upon stars he did not set me free

What I thought was an ever lasting love

Turned into something I had never drempt of

My dreams turned to terror

All through the night

I wonder if I’ll ever again see the light.

(This is what happens when you love someone dear)

REMEMBERING YOU

I will forever remember

The day you came into this world.

Your shining eyes were beautiful

My memory isn’t blured.

I remember you were tiny

Your fingers were so small

The love you gave was great

You had no doubts at all

Oh what you must think of me

Now that I cannot be there.

I hope that you still love me

And know how much I care

(Written by Jesilyn for LC on behalf of R.L.C.)

Understood

Understand how much I love you

I wish I could be there

Know that I think about you

My time I want to share.

My love for you is stronger

Than the oceans largest wave.

I miss your arms around me

And the way you say my name.

My child I miss you greatly

More than words could ever say.

I hope you’ll understand

When we meet again someday.

(Written by Jesilyn for CC on behalf of R.L.C.)

A Child’s Need

Who are you the child wonders You’re my daddy is all I know I cannot understand Why on earth You had to go Mom talks bad about you She says the evil You have done All I want Is to know you And for us to have some fun I want to know your favorite color I want to know The things you like

I want to have your love After all it’s my birth right I don’t care about the past It doesn’t matter much to me Fancy gifts don’t mean much either Your attention is all I need So if you’re out there listening And you have some time to spare I’d like to get to know you I’d like to know you care. (Written for The man I believe is my dad J. Secrist)

LET’S

Let’s play some ball, let’s climb a tree.

Let’s take some time just you and me.

Let’s fly a kite, Let’s catch a fish.

To be with you is my only wish

Let’s take a walk, along a trail.

Let’s count the stars, tell me a tale.

Let’s do something, just you and me.

Sit you up, upon my knee.

I don’t want much, you’re all I kneed

You are my child. Apart of me!

(Written by Jesilyn for J.A.C. on behalf of R.L.C.)

LEAVING YOU AINT EASY

Leaving you is hard on me 

It’s something that I don’t want to do.

I’d give anything to be the one

To make your dreams come true.

I know you need some space to think

I know there is something wrong

I hope that things are worth the wait

I’m trying to be strong

If you  should ever want me

I think you know just what to do

I’ll be there in a flash

I want you more then life alone

I really want you bad.

(Written for R.L.C.)

WILL YOU

Can you really ever love me The way I want to be? Can you find it in your heart To set your feelings free? Will you ever look into my eyes And feel the way I do now? Will you ever find the courage And the knowledge of just how? Can you tare down those old memories And replace them with the new? Will you understand the truth That I’m in love with you?

Will I ever compare a fraction To the love that you once lost? I’m willing to pay the orice Your love is worth the cost. Will you ever learn to trust me And realize I mean you no harm? Will you open up your heart to me And take me in your arms? Will you ever feel completely comfortable With me here in your life? Or must I live amongst the shadows Of the pain of your x-wife? (Written for R.L.C.)

LOCK ME AWAY

Lock me away

Deep down with in your heart

Believe that I am here for you

And I don’t plan to part

Let your love flow through me

For that is what I need

Give your love up freely

Don’t force me to my knees

I yearn to feel your warm embrace

And know how much you care

I want to know you need me

And that you want me near.

Throw away the doubt you have

A little at a time.

Enjoy our lives together

Your emotions please don’t hide.

(Written for R.L.C.)

DON’T BE AFRAID

R- Really I do love you O- Only you’re too blind to see. N- Nothing that I do for you. N-No, You can’t believe. I- If only you would open up E-Enough for me to prove L- Love can mend your broken heart E-eventually you’ll know E-Emotionally you’ve seen the worst C- Cause my love for you is strong. A-All that I am asking is S-Simply your love in return S-So why don’t you let down your wall A- and I will touch your heart D-Don’t be afraid I’ll hurt you A-All I want is your life to be apart. (Written for R.L.C.)

Feeling Peace

Open your heart to me

You deserve happiness

I want your full attention

I’ll releve your mind of stress

I know that you’re not perfect

You’re a man that’s felt some pain

But if youwould just allow me in

The sun will shine again.

Let the wall you’ve built

Fall to pieces on the ground

I will hel;p you find peace

My love will show you how.

Just give a little here and there

And you will be surprised

In no time at all

My love will be inside.

(Written for R.L.C.)

LET ME BE YOURS

Let me be your everything

Let me fill your needs

I will make you happier

Then you have ever been

I will be there for you

No matter what goes wrong

Strolling right beside you

To help you carry on

I will be a woman to support

You through out life.

I will not cause you pain

Or fill your heart with strife.

My hope is that you’ll love me

Like I know that you can.

For I am happy knowing

I have you as my man.

(Written for R.L.C.)

Let Me In

You’re holding back your feelings. Afraid that you’ll get hurt. I’m rapping at your heart Trying to show you what my love is worth.  I only want to love you and give you happiness. But you are still unsure of me A new woman’s caress. You’re enjoying the attention Yet you are holding back If you open up your heart to me

My love will fill the gap. For I am very sensitive I will not do you wrong. We’ve been waiting patiently For the right love to come along.  I want for you to trust me I want for you to love I know that you are special A gift from up above. (Written for R.L.C.)

LONLINESS & DREAMS

I hate the lonely feelings, I get when you’re not here.

I miss your arms around me, and your heart beating in my ear.

I miss your smirkey smile The one I’ve grown to love

If I could do things over. I wouldn’t change a thing I’ve done.

I miss you even worse tonight. Because lord knows I should be there

That is so impossible, because my car is stuck right here.

When I heard your voice tonight, it made me miss you too

But something tells me soon enough, my dreams will all come true.

The long goodbyes will be no more; The lonesome nights gone too

I will be in heaven, sharing a home with you.

(Written for R.L.C.)

PERFECTION

Clearly you are god sent

I wished you in my dreams

You’re all that I’ve been needing

You’re perfect so it seems.

I sparkle like the stars so high, when ever you’re around.

You make it almost impossible for me to wear a frown.

You’re strong and yet so sensitive. You’re personality is great.

You’re always on my mind; each hour I’m awake.

When you’re not here I long for you. I crave your loving touch.

It’s been a long time since I felt the desire to give someone so much.

My love for you grows stronger, each and every day.

I can’t wait to be together. I know we’ll find a way.

(Written for R.L.C.)

THE RUSH THE RAIN

Wow

What a rush; the time we share

Leaving me breathless without a care.

 In just 26 days you won over my heart.

It drives me crazy whenever we’re apart.

I live for the weekends; the time that we share.

The weekdays are lonely I wish you were here.

No words can explain what my heart can give.

I’m busting with emotion; A lifetime to give.

When you go home, there’s an emptiness in me.

I can’t wait for the day this don’t have to be.

PAST PRESENT & FUTURE

I’m happy when I’m with you

I’m lonely when your gone

I smile when your on your way

I cry when you go home.

It’s wild and emotional

It’s full of highs and lows

We’re striving for a future

The past we must let go.

We’ve had our share of hard times.

Relationships with pain

But when I look into your eyes

I know the sun will shine again

I’m in this for the long haul.

Or until you turn away

In your arms I know Im happy

With you I plan to stay

Right now I’m thinking of you.

And I wish  that I was there.

I cannot wait for us to get

A home in which to share.

(Written for R.L.C.)

SEPERATION

Life exsists among us, yet it’s one we do not share.

It’s full of pain and hardship. It’s not full of any care.

Our words cut deep down to the bone.

The scars are more each day

We just can not get along, no matter what we say

We know that it is over, but know not what to do.

After all we’ve shared together. After all that we’ve been through.

My feelings once were endless. My love for you was true

Now I’m living in confusion. You’re not the man that I once knew.

Maybe you will leave me and move off far away

But don’t forget your children; for with me they all must stay.

I cannot live without them. They are all that keeps me strong.

My love for them will help me to succeed and carry on.

So if you are going to leave, be a man & just go

I pray that you’ll be happy as we part down separate roads.

(Written for J.A.M.)

WHAT YOU ARE TO ME

Like the air that I breath

You’re something I need

Like the stars in the sky,

you light up my life.

Like the wind moves the trees

Your love moves in me.

When it’s raining outside

The sun shines in your eyes.

You are a thought in the morning

When I first awake

You’re the dreams that I have

When sleep I do take.

My feelings for you all

Are something unique

I want you to know

That you make me complete.

(Written for Starla, Dylan, karin & ellie)

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

There is so much riding on the choice at hand

To much going on, for you to understand

I’ve been hurt before & can’t forget.

My lifes a living hell & I must pay my depts

Exsistance is unbareable; I have no will

I’m hanging on barely with only time to kill

This drastic decision will confuse you all

But I love you dearly so please heed my call

I want to be free from this world of pain

It’s true at times I feel ashamed

It’s not your fault and before I go

I love you so much

I just want you to know…

(In memory of Donald C Boswell)

LET’S TALK

Can you see what we are going through

Now that you are gone?

We’re clinging on to memories

Trying to carry on

Reliving the past

Which you were

Once apart of.

Holding on to the emotions

And how much

You are loved.

Time it moves so slowly

At times it seems to stop

We sit and wait for Jesus

To mend our broken hearts  ,

 We hope that you are with him

& he has taken all the pain

We hope you walk beside him

& he removed all of your shame.

As you look down

Through the clouds

And see each one of us

Just know we think about you

And that our hearts are full of love.

(Written for Donald C. Boswell)